This whole process is like riding a roller coaster.
I had a CT scan Tuesday. I knew they were looking at two lymph nodes that were enlarged from the first scan. When my oncology nurse hadn't called me by this afternoon, I decided to call her. She hadn't wanted to call me. The two lymph nodes are still there - still enlarged. In addition there is a 1/4" 'something' on the vaginal cuff (where the cervix used to be). When the scan was read, the remark made was that it is most likely scar tissue from the surgery. Dr. Behbakht will read the scan itself and be able to tell us his best estimate of what is going on.
I have asked for the doctor to call me on Tuesday so we don't have to sweat this out all the way to Friday. I don't like it - have cried about it - have thought it through and have decided that I am NOT going to overthink this. I am still feeling well - still not showing severe side effects. So I am going to go with that. We will be discussing what I should be looking for in case this is a recurrence of the disease (oh, the euphemisms they use to avoid saying that terrible "C" word!). My oncology nurse reminded me that how I am feeling is more important than what is only a possibility - and probably nothing about which to worry. That doesn't mean I am in denial. I am taking one day at a time.
There is one side effect added to my list. I have distance blurry vision - and it is only slightly blurred. I know this will go away at the end of the chemo cycles. I can read and do my handwork just fine. For small handwork like tatting, Hardanger and stitching, I have used magnifying glasses for years. I can see just fine with them. Right now I am repairing a piece of Hardanger for a friend. Honestly, the worst side effect I am dealing with is the constipation. Since this happens around each infusion, I am trying to be creative about possible solutions ahead of time so it doesn't affect me for so many days when I get the infusion.
My lab work was just fine on Thursday, another indication I am doing well: BP 126/76; heartrate 64; wbc 3.7; H&H 13.4 & 40 and platelets: 247. All those mean is that even during week #2 (when numbers tend to be lower) following my latest infusion my body is recovering very well.
I hope the Dr. calls me - probably during his lunch break and doesn't wait until Friday.
At Judy's suggestion, for my last infusion, I developed and designed a table of each day of the cycle by date and by day# and a list of the side effects. I put an 'X' in the box for the day I experience that particular symptom and leave blank days when I don't have the symptom. I presented this to my Dr. and he LOVED it - said he wished all his patients would do this. It makes so much sense because if I experience a given symptom, after three weeks, honestly I can't remember when it was and for how long. So I have prepared some blanks for him to duplicate and pass out to his patients to use. He actually turned to me and said, "I don't have anything more to ask you - it's all right here in front of me! Thank you!"
I do have another piece of good news. I removed my hat for him to see how my hair has not fallen out, but has actually grown. I had a buzz cut seven weeks ago and wanted to know just when it was going to come out. He looked at me and smiled. "If you haven't lost it by now, you probably aren't going to!" I was thrilled and it is now about 3/4" long. By Christmas, I may even have a reasonable 'DO'.
It's time for me to go to bed.
On my facebook page, someone posted a saying I really liked. (Please do not post anything to reference this blog or it's purpose - thank you). I will end with this tonight:
I'm a strong person
But every now and then
I would like someone
to take my hand and say
everything will be alright
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